LOL VILLANELLE

[fulselden]

Written (DESPITE MYSELF) for the prompt  'say not soft things' at 31_days.
Series: The Little Mermaid (Disney; postcanon)
Characters: Ariel, the prince.
Rating/Warnings: G. Poetry!fic.

 

Say not soft things, my darling girl, to me

You left your shoes together with your crown,

You open up your mouth within the sea

 

And take salt water like a salary.

Show me your face, girl, that sharp smile or frown

Say not soft things, my darling girl, to me.

Take all my lands and castles as your fee

Take inland water, deep and soft and brown.

Don’t open up your mouth within the sea.

Take string bikinis and a golden key,

Take my assurance, girl, take up your gown,

Say not soft things, my darling girl, to me.

 

You walk a little slowly, girl, for me

But that I’ve never told you, set it down.

You open up your mouth and breathe the sea.

 

I’ll bring you canes all tipped in ivory

I’ll bring you red shoes and take you to town,

Say not soft things, my darling girl, to me.

You open up your mouth within the sea.

Comments

[stultiloquentia]

*blink* I think this is my favourite villanelle ever. They're one of those tricksy, paradoxical forms that are both easy and fucking hard (kinda like playing Mozart). I am damned impressed by your fresh sharpness, and what it does to the Disney flick. That touch of Andersen is perfect.

Take string bikinis and a golden key,
Take my assurance, girl, take up your gown,

Gah.

You walk a little slowly, girl, for me

GAH.

[fulselden]

*double blink* R-really?! Wow, thank you, that means a lot. And, yes, definitely a touch of Andersen!

And really, thank you - The Little Mermaid is I think the only Disney film I saw when I was actually still a kid, and I remember being blown away by it at the time, so I'm glad you think I did it justice.

[fulselden]

... And looking at this again, I think I was insufficiently effusive in my thanks last night! But thank you, really! Maybe seeing The Red Shoes itself on the big screen a while ago helped? So gorgeous, oh (impending) 50s aesthetics.

[terajk]

Like everything I've read of yours, I a) love this, and b) need to read it a hundred more times.

[fulselden]

Thank you so much! ... Wow, I'm kinda thrilled with the response to this piece - as well as with what you say about my other stuff, naturally. Especially as I followed you back to you Wordpress site yesterday and it got an instant bookmark in my list of enlightening and eloquent places to go on the internet - so I'm glad you've enjoyed what you've read here!

[quinara]

I love this lots and lots! (Though I fear having never seen The Little Mermaid all the way through is kicking me in the arse in terms of managing to understand everything.) It's very pretty.

And take salt water like a salary.

I love this line especially - the way it extends the idea of Ariel giving up her voice for the prince to an issue of giving up her (financial/consumerist) independence. Because of course the two are linked!

[fulselden]

Oh wow, thank you! FIRST ATTEMPT AT VILLANELLE = SUCCESS, I feel! And, ahem, I wouldn't worry about missing out on deep references to Disney canon, as I haven't seen the film since I was about nine (much as I loved it then!). It probably has more Andersen in on the whole - though if by some faint chance you haven't read that version, I would advise not looking for it: ARGH.

Which mixes together with Disney to result in, as you pick out, fury for poor salaried Ariel!

[my_daroga]

This is gorgeous. lettered linked me and I didn't comment, because I don't know what else to say, but I came back realizing I should say something at least, even if it was just that. Beautifully done and effortlessly readable.

[fulselden]

Thank you so much! Especially for coming back after the fact to say you liked it: I really appreciate it. And looking back at this I still like this too, which is a good feeling!

[my_daroga]

You're welcome! And yes, that's always preferable to certain reactions I've had myself.